ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
