still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
