I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Houston, we have a blender
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
