peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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