I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
