am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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