Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
