I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
