I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
