apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
