The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i now understand why vodka
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
