I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So many bounce houses so little time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
