worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
