Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have tasted many bathrooms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
