sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
