I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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