ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
