I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
