I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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