Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
