I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
