so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
