Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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