Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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