my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
