It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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