Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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