The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
