He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
