He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
