I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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