Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
please come you make the beer taste better
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
