i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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