with your own penis?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
