so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
