Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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