Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
