I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
