Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
