I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think my vagina is haunted
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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