I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
