i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
