4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pappa wants mamma naked
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
