There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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