When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
