I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
