i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
