I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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