his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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