Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
