i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Holy shit dude........stairs
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